Gender Relationships

The mind is not asleep just yet...

So I was reading this article on Feministing.com, and I came across this way of looking at the gender roles within a relationship that was new to me. Well a little background is that there is a woman who is dating a man who enjoys cross-dressing. The woman wants to be alright with it, but it is causing problems in her, the relationship, (ugh damn oxford commas! I don't know if I need one there or not!) and their sex life. So, the woman wrote into another woman, and here is an excerpt from her response.

"Gender matters in relationships. I don't mean gender as in sex. I mean gender as the percentage we want our partners to be masculine and feminine. You found someone whose percentage worked for you - both sexually and in a relationship - now that percentage has changed. What does this mean for your own percentage?"

Now I admit that I am going to work this out on here. I haven't given much thought to this yet, so some of my comments may be ignorant at first. Hopefully they will work their way into some intelligent synthesis.

I am thinking about the proportions of the different genders (masculine and feminine) within relationships in my life. The typical ones are the least interesting (no offense). I mean I have one friend who is uber-girly (in a wonderful way), so obviously the guy that she is dating is super masculine. They seem to fit together in a predictable yin-yang kind of way.

But what about other relationships that aren't as cut and dry? If you have a masculine, straight woman, is she going to be attracted to a more feminine man? Or, is it just each person has his or her own comfort level and desired level of each gender within the relationship?

I am trying to sort out my feelings regarding this gendered outlook on relationships. In a way it makes sense. But on another level, I think it kind of perpetuates the socialized definitions of "masculine" and "feminine." I also think that it can easily be used to perpetuate these standardized roles within relationships. It is just odd to think of someone as a percentage feminine and a percentage masculine. I can't put my finger on what bothers me about it exactly, but I know something does. I think just the usage of the words bothers me for some weird reason.

I think the woman was basically saying that because the girl now knows that her boyfriend cross-dresses, his masculine to feminine ratio has been altered. He is now more feminine. But does cross-dressing necessarily make a man feminine? I am trying to think of real-life examples. Let's take Ellen Degeneres for an example. I think she partakes in cross-dressing (at a VERY socially-acceptable level). She wears stereotypically "male" clothing. I think that people do deem her to be more masculine.

BUT, what I find interesting is the sex appeal of a woman wearing men's clothing as well. There's that rock band commercial (or guitar hero...don't know) in which they are re-enacting the infamous scene from Risky Business. I think most men would agree that when Heidi Klum is wearing the underware and man's white collared shirt, there is nothing "masculine" about it.

So, maybe that's where I have the problem. It is not that the usage of the concept of a masculine-feminine percentage of a person, it is the leap from a man cross-dressing to him obviously being more feminine.

Hmmm....still can't wrap my head around it right now. Something to think about though....